I've been in my own little circle of heart trouble... I mean I think I'm in love with this guy but then again, the whole worlds stands between us & despite the facts I know I will, I want to, I will make everything in my power to find him, find his heart, find his love.
 We say 'I love you' to each other not a lot but in the same time a lot... jee, I can't even explain it. And I haven't thought about it this way but it's been bugging me for a week now. I just don't know what to do!!
 We've never met and yet he's the sweetest guy I know, and a kind of guy I need. You know, the kind of guy that will kiss you in the rain, hold you, tell you you're beautiful even if you're wearing sweatpants and have no makeup on... and it just feels so right to love him.
 I'm taking this huge exam, which has 3 stages (an essay, a test + another essay, interview) and if I take it I'd go live in the USA or UK for an year or two, and I'd be living my dream! First, I thought I was doing it for myself, you know, to make my dream a reality but now I think I'm doing for another reason. I think I'm doing it for him. I mean, I've never met the guy but GRR, IDK!! And still, if I get picked and go, I'm not gonna see him so I guess I'm doing to feel closer to him? Once again - I DON'T KNOW.
 I'm so confused and I've never ever ever felt this way and it might be just some teenage crush...but it's bugging me now and I feel in my throat, I feel it my stomach, I feel it in my head, my heart, my feet, my EVERYWHERE!
 I love the guy, I do...but I'm just not sure what all that means. People say if it's love, you'll know it...and as stupid as it sounds, I feel like I do love him so so so much for real, and as he's the one and stuff but I just don't know. And maybe if I hesitate I should just let it go? 'Cause, you know, hesitation is bad, right? AH!
 & sometimes I feel like I'm annoying him but then again, I KNOW I'M NOT!! and that kinda kills me -.-
 I don't wanna tell him 'cause it would take our relationship to a whole weird level and if I ever tell him it would be FACE TO FACE. I'll do anything to meet him, even if I have to ditch my dream to become an actress/singer&be donating a lot of my money to charities...even if I have to go to Law school and bust my ass off studying, just to meet him. But then, he might find someone else while I study...jee, I should stop writing! I'm just confused as heck and I just need somebody, yeah I meant him...and I'm gonna stop writing now.
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