Ina Beliebs
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trapped
Monday, August 30, 2010

 I wake up and the Sun isn't shining. I'm surrounded by that same darkness I fell asleep in last night, with the hope for Sun in the morning. What a fool I am, there's no Sun for my soul. It won't make its way through the thick dark dress of sorrow.
 But for all the things happening it's my fault. I locked myself in this room and lost the key somewhere. Sometimes I'm asking myself how I came here and why I had to dig so deep in life's treasures. I wanted to try everything so bad. The hunger for new experiences trapped me and I fell. I didn't think. I was feeling too good trying the different faces of life. And though I was aware of where I would end up, I decided to follow my emotions, the whispers of my heart.. And now here I am. Everything in and around me won't stop rolling and making me go crazy. I want this nightmare to end no it continues, and continues.
 At first I was taken by the flow of a river but no matter how long the river was it soon had to course into the sea. I was "travelling" on my own little float of happiness for years. The float was always wobbling and after so many years living on the edge my little float disappeared. It disappeared and the sea became an ocean .Now there isn't anything I can travel on. The ocean took me in his depths and it is all my fault.
 I let my emotions and curiousity win and now I have to deal with pain and I'm only a step away from suicide. I can't manage with the tornado's rage. My mind blures when I imagine the feelings hugging me with their hands of spikes. My memories are a whole lot, the wish for them to be washed away by the ocean is bigger .But the only thing the ocean has washed away is my happiness. He has taken it to his depths and locked it in a secure place where I'd never find it again.
 There is no exit. I want to espace but I can't. I got to stay and roll in that circle of sorrow, pain and tears forever. I just wanted to be loved. I wanted to have somebody by myself, somebody who would hug me, kiss me, tell I'm the whole world to him. I seeked for this one for too long. I often made mistakes and got injured. But the biggest injury I did all by myself.
 Now I'm in this room with four walls. I fall asleep and wake up in darkness and cold. And on the four walls are written the words: sorrow, desperation and death.

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